Aperture

Hi, the name is Langouste, former IIS production machine. Why Langouste? do not know. That’s how the “techie” around the house called me. Why former? You’ll see… Me, I don’t even exist actually. I’m virtual. Puzzled?. You see, I’m a virtual machine, and rely on a physical machine (our big brother that everyone calls “Shark” on our small network here) to borrow CPU power, memory and storage. I’m nothing more than a file on a hard drive, how kinky is that! I’ve been hosting around this blog and other sites for sometime now.

But about a year ago, something started to stink. OMG! We’re on fire “Help! Dude!, We’re frying in here!” I shout! No answer! “Shark, bro, what the fuck was that?” “Stay calm kid” Shark replied. “Nothing out of ordinary. Just a voltage spike. Heh! Nothing your big brother can’t handle!”.

Shark was brave. And he was very careful not to worry us “kids” when things went bad. He put up a lot of effort to ensure our small virtual network is protected from the outside threats. One day the spikes stroke again, and Shark’s PSU started to weaken. Some of the voltage regulating capacitors around Shark’s brain fried. Shark was sick, but never admitted to us, the “kids”. We all knew it, because the poor fellow was occasionally vomiting strange messages on a blue background. The fearful BSOD. The guy was slowly dying. It was not a matter of what, it was a matter of when…

One year later (last May actually), the techie refresh us all with some latest security goodies from Microsoft. Aaaahhh! There is nothing like fresh reboot… I was running for 60 days non-stop. Yeeeeiiii! Fresh and ready! When I start up, I always look at Shark and the guy smiles and winks at me. We then all go to play catch with zeros and one in Physical Address Extension yard.

This time though, Shark looked a bit worried, with his eyes down, searching nervously for something. “What’s the matter dude?” “I think a lost one hard drive!” Shark replied. “C’mon man, how do you mean lost it? Look, is there!” “I know kid, I see it, but I can’t feel it! I can’t feel some hard drives…”. “Dude…, is this serious?” “Do not know in this moment. Let me check…”

After a while, Shark returned. His face looked like he was about to give us some not that great news…”So? What’s your findings?” After a moment of silence and a deep breath, he replied: “Kids, looks like the disk array controller is not functioning in RAID mode anymore”. “RAID mode? The the fuck that means?” I was started to be nervous. “That means we are lucky to be alive in this moment and we are functioning with a single “kidney”. Everything that goes wrong starting from this moment will lead to our extinction”

We were all shocked, but got used to the idea. We went down on searching for the RAID controller. We found the guy laying on a bunch of zeroes and ones with a mad look in his eyes, constantly repeating the same phrase: “The days are over brother! Come and see the light! Save your souls!”. The spikes had got him, got him well.

We all agreed that are no more battle for us to fight. We must seek help on the outside. We must talk the “techie” outside!:

“Hey man! Out there! Can you hear us? Anybody! Is there any technical person in this house? Help! We’re dying in here! Heeeelp!” “Shhht! Shut up” said Shark. “I think I saw something”. “Where?” “Over there!” “There’s a cat!” “Hey! cat! cat!” “Not like that dumb ass! Let me call it!” “Here kitty, kitty kitty, here kitty kitty kitty!” The cat looked at us: “Meow! Called me?” “Yes, yes!” great! a cat that talks, may be our chance… “Listen kitty, me and my fellows here need some help” Shark said. “Meow! What help?” “Kitty, you see, you need to talk to your master and warn him! We are in great danger of perishing. So you call that lazy master of yours and tell him is he doesn’t do something he won’t be seeing us anymore!” “Grrrrr! Will see! What’s in for me?” “Ok, ok, let me think of something…. Aaaaa, will let you stay on Shark’s warm back… aaaa during winter, when is cold, you know!” “Yeah! Yeah Will let you stay kitty, we promise, also you can play with the printer as long as you want! We won’t tell a word! Please help us”

“Meow!” the cat turned away and left our sight… “Shark! Dude, you think the cat will help us?” “I’m sure she will kid, I’m sure she will!”

Well, it’s all up to the cat now…

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